Leader Moment: Don't be a douche

My guild may just not be your style.  I get it!   But my guild is over 250 people from all walks of life and a multitude of age ranges.   I have learned that each generation has it's own social tolerances of what is acceptable.   Usually the younger the generation the edgier.

I feel I am pretty progressive for a 50 year old southern boy living in the bible belt that I can take a lot of what I would call "aggressive banter".   Perhaps playing WoW has added "salt" to my diet.

Anyhow, last night, I was recruiting and I give my usual spiel about the guild and the the only really simple behavior rule I have.   Essentially it is just a simple "don't be a douche".

1. Don't bring up topics you know are going to get people all hot and bothered because if it gets you hot an bothered it will definitely do the same for others.
1. Politics
2. Gender, Gender inequalities
3. Sexual Orientation
4. Race, race relations
2. Swearing is allowed, but don't be lewd.   And, as a southern boy, this means using any term that's derogatory against women.   You JUST DON'T DO THAT!
3. Don't troll the trade channel.   Everyone that sees that will immediately think... their guild leader is also a douche because they allow this.

I personally don't think that's really asking too much.  I mean you have a full spectrum of topics to talk about and let's be realistic, 90% of what people talk about is the game anyhow.

And, I always tell folks that in smaller audiences... say like on voice chat, once you get to know the person you are talking to, the barriers will slack a little.

Now, why would have such a restrictive rule.   It is VERY SIMPLE.

Because:

• I don't want to deal with whispers of the offended.
• I don't want to deal with the overly emotional.  
• I don't want to clean up a mess that you could of avoided.

Hey, disagreements happen.  But most people here are here to play WoW.

Play nice!

Check out my write up with dealing with the "offensive".  I guess I need my write up on dealing with the "offended" as well.

Leader Moment: Just Chime Up Already

You may find you have a guild member that just never says what they want out loud.   They might mention it at first when they join the guild, but after that, they expect a personal invitation to everything or they feel snubbed.

There is nothing you can do to placate them.

My response is, don't accept that criticism.  Just respond quickly that it is not how you operate your guild.   If they want something, they must tell you and your job then, is to help them toward that goal.

They may not have what it takes to be the greatest Mythic raider or even a Rated-BG star, but that doesn't mean you cannot help them toward that goal.

But, I believe, it isn't the leads job to pull them off the sidelines if they aren't willing to meet you half way.

Calling out mistakes

When raiding, mistakes happen.   You'll find that the basic sequence is:

1. Here is the strategy - and perhaps your task assignment.
2. Pull
3. Mistakes happen
4. Most learn from their mistakes
5. Go to Step 1

However, occasionally, someone is truly struggling with a mechanic and you are faced with how to handle this.

We are a friendly group.   We strive to not call out specific players unless they are among a list of players struggling.   That is "John, Joe, Mary, watch out for fire".   But never, "John you were in fire". 

Most likely, instead, you hear, "Several people were in fire, here is how to handle that mechanic, please try to do better".

The key here is that some people are overly sensitive to hear their name called out.   And even especially sensitive when they are called out more than once.

Unfortunately, the more times the same mistakes happen, eventually something needs to be privately handled on the issue or someone else, in the group's frustration will cause them to handle it for you and not necessarily the way you'd prefer.   Drama will ensue.

It happened to us this week in raid.  Someone made the same mistake several times.  After having their name in the list 3 times, they quit the raid and quit the guild and insisted we were being disrespectful to (a) his age (b) his limitations as a player.

The problem is, this player never spoke up.  They never said, I can't do this.  They never said what other things can I try since I struggle with this mechanic.   Instead, they waited until they were past their limit and then up and quit.

If this happens to you, here is how I handled it.

I let them know, the mistake was not ours.  The rudeness was not ours.   All the mistakes  were on them.  Here was their failure.

1. They failed mechanic - not the biggest problem.
2. They failed to speak up on their difficulty with the mechanic. - BIG PROBLEM
3. They quit instead of speaking up - THEIR PROBLEM.

Raiding is a team sport and team players have to participate more than just causing fails over and over.

If they speak up, and have difficulty, you then have options.   You can work around the issue if you know.   But if you work-around the issue without knowing, then it looks equally insensitive.   Don't let your raiders get away with being shy.

All-in-all, I'm saying.  Don't accept a criticism from someone when you know you are making all reasonable accommodations given a known circumstance.

Yes, eventually, it may come to sitting them out for a fight they can't do.  That doesn't mean they can't come back for later content.  Or eventually figure a new strategy.

Virtual Friends

I was reading one my fellow bloggers "Big Bear Butt"'s post about a guildie that Ninja'd the bank and then server transferred away.  It was someone he thought he knew; thought were friends.

"TL;DR version – I don’t give a shit, I’m just pissed that, once again, someone I thought was a very good friend in the virtual world turns out to be someone I didn’t know at all." - BigBear

I think he is experiencing something new in the internet age that is indicative of WoW, or at least I think it is.  That is, that WoW allows us to be virtually different people.  For the most part, unfortunately, I think it is toward the negative side of our personalities.  Are we really this way?  Is the internet just the means to allowing us to act out how we would never act in person?

I think yes, to some extent.

I think that even if we sincerely feel certain ways toward the people we meet in WoW, in the end, when the rubber meets the road, these are people that if we never saw them again, spoke to them again, and such, our lives would hardly be severely impacted.  So, not everyone invests themselves sincerely to it.  Sure there might be the occasional connection that sticks, but unless the game is your life, these people are just pseudo-friends.  These are people you will be friendly to and enjoy a good laugh, but you don't take them home with you.  You don't go out to eat.  They don't meet your parents.  They don't know you and you don't know them.

Every internet relationship should have a barrier between you.  Never get too attached to the idea of the person on the other end being there because they may log one day and never come back.

Okay, I will type that again so maybe I will believe it myself... LOL.

Be nice to people on the internet and treat them like real people because hey are real people.

Leader Moment: Crunch Crunch

Okay, so a real-life friend is in my guild.  He doesn't play all the time, but I would call him a "less frequent" player.  He has a gross habit of eating while on voice chat and talking at the same time.  Yea, it's not the most pleasant thing to hear, but usually eating is pretty quick so what the heck.

However, I have a player who logs from voice and then gripes to me about it.  Do I do something?  Is it that important?  I ponder if that's really something worth doing anything about.   Sometimes, you just have to take people's pet peeves and say... grow up.    Always drama.

I guess my thought is that it is a failure on two parts.

1. Rude to eat on voice chat.
2. Rude to log out of chat
3. Rude to whine about it

"Maaaaa, he's picking his nose!"  "He's touching me"

I think the first thing is, if it is bothering you, just say so to them.  Why am I your heavy?  "Dude, I can hear you eatin' it's gross!"